


Broken wings and other ways to fall apart

by oofen_flugen



Series: choir of the not quite forgotten [3]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ash Lynx Lives, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, POV Max, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27200578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oofen_flugen/pseuds/oofen_flugen
Summary: *standalone* but an alternate universe to the first work in this seriesAsh had succeeded in faking his death. There were no accounts of any of the former mafia groups, much less banana fish. But it all crashes down when Max gets a call about Eiji.Or the one where Eiji actually succeeds in his attempt
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Max Lobo/Jessica Randy
Series: choir of the not quite forgotten [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1960021
Comments: 12
Kudos: 104





	Broken wings and other ways to fall apart

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags people
> 
> This was actually suggested by one of my amazing readers Gie (i wanted to gift this to them so bad but they don't have any works, so I hope they see this) and honestly this was so (not) fun to write. I haven't really written from Max's perspective, but it was really interesting.

Max didn’t like to talk about his time spent between barracks and war zones. He didn’t want to talk about the way he grew used to sorrow replacing normally glowing and bright skin as blood seeped into the ground. He’d lost so many companions. Even those who lived still greeted each day as if trumpets sounded and the smell of saline wafted over their noses. Even those with a family left to go back to stood with posture stiff as if they were feeling if their bones were still intact. The ones who touched tender battle scars with shaking hands hoping that the wound would vanish the next peaceful day they survived. It was funny that he had gotten out, lived normally- albeit with strenuous meetings with Micheal and Jessica- and still winced at the memories. Even his time in prison had been better than watching explosions and hoping the sun would settle the dust by the time it rose again. 

He had joined to feel like he was making a difference in the world. His superiors said they were. The inlaid respect for them present in each honorary praise conversation possessed. Maybe he had done some good. Maybe not. At the end of it all, he was just tired. That’s why it perplexed him so much that he went along willingly with another dangerous mission and grabbed a gun like it was nothing. This time it felt like he was protecting something. He knew he wasn’t the most powerful in the hidden world Max had been tossed into, but he stayed around till the end, till the last building burned. 

He’d heard the news of Ash’s supposed death on the news only for a phone call from an unknown caller to appear seconds later. When he heard the kid’s voice assuring he was okay, Max wanted to do nothing more than bolt to tell everybody else- Jessica, Ibe, Sing, and most importantly Eiji, but Ash swore him to secrecy. 

Obeying was his greatest regret. 

As many miles and years that the war was away, Max could recall the taste of metal in his mouth each time he visited Ash from then on out. The kid was falling apart at the seams and winced at needles. Max had a ritual for each visit. Food, an inspection of the room, an item (usually picked out by Micheal), and updates. After that Ash’s stare would drive him off, and Max followed along with a weight hanging in the air of the car as he drove home. Jessica would smile reassuringly, saying ‘he just needs some time.’ Two years passed of the same routine, each time Max would push harder only to get one more bolt placed on the door as he left. The visits became shorter and shorter and eventually, Max just left some assorted bunch of takeout on the front porch and knock a few times before driving off. 

He’d gotten the frantic message from Ibe at a ridiculous time in the night. Max would never grow accustomed to time zones. He almost shrugged it off, but after the third buzz, it was apparent it was important. Ibe always sent one long message- an overly formal paragraph with pre-written gratitude or judgment. And those were the times he didn’t call. When Max grabbed his phone he looked upon an onslaught of short texts with one video attachment. Jessica was still asleep next to him, but the moment he played it with a clumsy tap, she started to rouse, stretching her arms above her head. 

Max never understood why Ash refused to tell Eiji that he was alive. In all the years’ Max was alive he’d never seen two people act that way. Even with a wedding planned and later attended by everyone except Ash, there was something different in the way the two boys looked at each other. Jessica mused on it too and rubbed the ring on her finger even if they both knew they were happy together.

Max hadn’t seen Eiji much in the past two years. Ash forbade excessive visits. ‘It’ll draw suspicion to him,’ he said, not that Eiji actively looked for a chance to visit. He had called once to see if Ash’s death was real. Max had to mute the call when Eiji started crying. They had a few more calls, all initiated by Ibe where Eiji sat stiffly in the back, answering questions as quickly and pointedly as possible before listening halfheartedly to the rest of the conversation. Eiji was one of the best men at his wedding, standing right behind Ibe. He looked so shocked when Max had offered but accepted with a gentle nod. The day was perfect. The adoration between him and Jessica filled the room despite the years they had been apart. Micheal smiled the whole time and tossed the excess flowers on unsuspecting people before delivering seconds on the cake. It was only when they got the camera roll of hundreds of photo’s that they realized how disheartened Eiji looked. The pictures he was in were blurry at best like he was constantly walking away. The one’s where he stood still his eyes were glossy and downcast. Max couldn’t remember if he ate anything during the wedding. Ibe had insisted that he would be the photographer, but Max pushed back with the same force that he needed a best man. They hired one and half hoped that Eiji would offer to take over once the main shoots were done. He never did. 

Eiji looked older. He went from looking so innocent and young for his age, to… to the way Max looked in the war. Max had slipped a photo of the wedding into the weekly deposit for Ash and caught Ash staring at it- at Eiji- through the window. Ash looked the same way. Like everything had finally caught up. His eyes were bloodshot half the time, and his hair fell across his face in a nestled mass that Ash never seemed to push away. 

The video Ibe had sent shivers down his spine, and Jessica glanced in horror over his shoulder as they watched an Eiji that seemed so much farther gone than they both realized sing. They both knew that it was about Ash. The lyrics felt like whips dancing across their skin, and with a glance between the couple, Max drove and knocked on Ash’s door. 

He replayed it in front of Ash and rewatched as Eiji slumped and wiped his eyes at the end. His voice wavered and fell apart on the last note, and he saw the same sorrow-filled eyes return to Ash only tenfold. Max was so relieved when Ash said he would go back to Japan if nothing else to see that Eiji was safe. It wasn’t much but it was a start. Max drove back the next day. Even if the ballad felt like a timer looming over his head, he was afraid of moving too fast. Ash must have had some elaborate system set up that he would have to dismantle before he could leave. When Max opened the door, Ash had already refuted going in those short hours, even if it was clear he was lying about not wanting to. His phone buzzing in his pocket was the only thing that kept both men in the room from snapping. 

Ibe.

Max raised his phone and said a quick greeting only to be interrupted with heavy breathing laced with panic. 

“Max, I didn’t know who to call. It’s Eiji. I can’t find him. He left fucking notes, Max. No one has seen him. His apartment’s empty and I can’t find him.”

The moments that led to his and Ash’s flight to Japan went by in a blur. He vaguely remembers the way the two ran only for the flight to be unavailable for a few hours. Jessica joined them at one point. And the three sat brewing in anticipation. Max stayed on the phone with Ibe the whole time listening intently to the buzz of the engine. For a kid who was so insistent on staying hidden, there was no disguise in the airport and no hesitation to grab the phone and command Ibe to call the local hospitals, even if it meant revealing he was alive. Ibe didn’t even bat an eye until after the plane had landed. The man embodied the same panic they all had and had a much more outward way of showing it. Jessica and Max managed to sit together in the back, and yet even in the familiar company, there were no words spoken. Jessica stared at the window, tossing her hands in her lap while Max followed the graphic of the plane’s path through the sky. When they had finally landed, Jessica ripped her bag from under her feet and pushed her way through the aisle. Max could only stare as he saw Ash still glued to his seat seemingly oblivious that they had landed. Jessica called out his name, and he snapped back to attention shoving them both out of the way and into the main body of the airport. Max turned on his phone while he walked and scrolled through the messages that Ibe sent.

‘Max, please answer.’ 11:28

‘I don’t know what to do.’ 11:28

‘No ones answered.’ 11:29

‘He’s got to be okay, right Max?’ 11:30

‘Please tell me he’s okay.’ 11:30

‘Max…’ 11:30

‘Is Ash really alive?’ 11:52

‘I need to know. There were so many notes Max. How long did he take writing them?’ 11:54

‘Fuck. This can’t be happening. Max, I need you to answer. For once in your goddamn life listen to me.’ 12:52

Jessica hovered concerningly over his shoulder and watched with an unmoving gaze as Max pressed the call. Ash ushered them to a closed down area of the airport before Max put the conversation on speaker and held his phone out in his hand. A few rounds of the obnoxious ringtone passed, but at the moment it felt like alarms and sirens competing for attention. The line finally broke, and Ibe’s hoarse voice called out. They all stood in silence as Ibe scrambled through an explanation, the sounds of hospital monitors and nurses’ requests screaming in the background.

Eiji was dead. Drowned. Cause of death: suicide. He was already gone when he got to the hospital.

Max almost dropped the phone. Pictures of Griffin and each fallen soldier littered his mind. Shorter with a bullet through his back. Each memory of Eiji’s smile and the ways Ash’s eyes softened only if he was present. His tongue felt like lead, and all he could do was stare, hoping maybe it was all some joke. Maybe it was another spy stirring panic in an attempt to lure Ash out. Ibe let out a choked sob and the speck of hope Max clutched to shattered in an instant. Max let his eyes drift over to Ash. Even when his face was at its most blank it still had some tone of authority or danger, but his face was purely emotionless, except for the trail of silent tears that hung against his chin. His mouth was slightly agape and in a second he collapsed to the ground, legs concaved into his chest, and head completely downcast, with arched fingers resting on his forearms. Max reached down to console him but his arms were frozen. Jessica was the only one who seemed able to move, and she slowly grabbed the phone and asked for the address of the hospital. Ibe gave it in a drained whisper. 

The three managed to drag themselves to a cab and made it to the hospital to see Ibe waiting outside with a jacket wrapped around his shoulders. No one dared make eye contact. The only words spoken were Eiji's room number. Ash ran ahead slamming open the doors and running through the halls of the hospital. A few nurses tried to stop him only to be pushed to the side, and for sympathetic looks to cross their face as they saw his face. Max almost tried to stop him, but a part of him wanted to do the same thing. Jessica gave him a look that seemed to understand, and the two sat obediently down with Ibe. His seat was covered with paperwork that he grabbed mechanically and mindlessly filled out. Jessica grabbed Max’s hand and let her head fall against his shoulder. It didn’t feel real, and yet the only way to check would mean intruding on whatever sense of hope Ash still had. And if Ash had really seen the way the heart monitor would be turned off, and the blue-tipped fingers, then there would be nothing to console him with Eiji gone. The final answer was given when two security guards held Ash by the arms and dragged him out into the main lobby. He screamed to be with Eiji, but his voice cracked and his limbs stopped fighting the restraints. Max managed to get the two men to leave. They soon returned to the back wing of the hospital with harsh words to all four of them. Ash motioned to the door and walked out. Max went to check after an hour had passed, and the kid still stood curled against the wall. 

Eiji’s mom and sister were nothing like how Max had expected them. They confirmed the body and after a few minutes alone, Max, Ibe, and Jessica wandered to the room. They had told Ash he could come, but he didn’t even raise his head, only wrapping his arms tighter around his legs. They stared in silence letting their tears patter against the floor as they looked at Eiji. Even if the doctor had closed the door behind them, the background noise of the hospital was still deafening. The nurses ushered them out after a while, and none of them had the energy to resist. With goodbyes whispered and admirations shared they left Eiji and returned to the desolate waiting room. Ibe pulled out small envelopes from his bag and handed them out until only Ash’s remained gripped in Ibe’s hand. Max wasn’t even surprised that Eiji still wrote one to him, even if to his knowledge Ash was gone. The font of each of their names was neat and precise, but only Ash's radiated beauty. The lines were flowing and connected with a gliding thickness. Max ended up accepting the letter and placed it on the ground next to Ash alongside a small plate of the hospital food and an invitation to come inside. Ash accepted the letter and carefully opened it, ignoring the other two offerings. Max walked away the moment Ash started to read. 

The days passed in a blur after that. Eiji’s family handled the funeral preparations and conversations. Ash hadn’t spoken a word since then, only paying for the expenses with fake names and sloppy signatures. They stayed at a hotel, not wanting to burden Ibe even if the man came over daily. Ash had a separate room and each night that Max went to check on him the lights would be off and the room would be empty. He never quite figured out where Ash went, only that his breath smelled like alcohol each time he opened the door and grabbed the bags of food Jessica left. 

The funeral was held on a perfect day. It felt like the gods littered blue skies and sunlight just to taunt them. Ash showed up the moment the ceremony started and stood to the side, hands constantly checking something in his pocket. He was the only one who didn’t cry, but Max could see the expression of horror that crossed his face as the casket was lowered. Max never got the chance to talk with Eiji’s mom. She sent peculiar glances at each of them but nodded in understanding as they cried. She stood at the head of the grave for a moment, bowing her head before dragging Eiji’s sister- Kumi? If Max remembered correctly- back to their car and driving off. Two sticks of incense drifted off into the wind and were extinguished by the time Max made his way to the grave. 

“Bye son. Thanks for everything.”

Max placed a singular rose at his feet before walking back to Jessica. Ibe left a few minutes after Eiji’s family had, and Max waited with Jessica in the car a mile or so away from the service as Ash walked up to the grave. Jessica had asked what he thought Ash had said, and he could only shake his head. 

“Those two don’t need words.” 

She nodded and stared out the window as they waited. Ash walked past as the sun was about to set. He glanced quickly through the car window before walking on and heading down the road. Jessica nodded for the driver to leave, but Max held up a hand before stepping out of the car and jogging back up the hill. Maybe it was just curiosity, but Max glanced around for anything left at the grave. A single piece of paper stuck out of the ground with a small charm. Ibe had mentioned them at one time or another. Omamori’s. Charms for luck or protection. Ash mentioned in passing that Eiji had brought one to America with him. The one partially buried in the ground was jade green. As little as Max understood about Japanese, he could make out of the character for love, and Eiji’s name stitched in sloppily with Ash’s distinctive slant in his handwriting. Against better judgment, Max reached out and opened the piece of paper.

My soul is always with you. 

Love, Aslan. 

Max smiled and wiped a final tear from his face, looking down at the newly disturbed patch of land. 

“Goodbye, Eiji. I promise you’ll see him again. I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything too stupid before he gets back to you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for making it this far! I love and appreciate all my readers. <3


End file.
